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Halloween Number One
Tuesday, October 29, 2013 * : This is so stupid! * : No it's not! It's awareness, and I love awareness. * : Yes, it's for a very good cause. That's what they say. * : You know what it's about? * : Non. * : Hey, there's Saye! * : With her friends, so don't bother her. * : Okay. * : Yo, Saye, girl, I see you hanging out there! * : [stepping out of queue] What are you two doing here? I'm with my friends. * : Yeah, she's with us. * : Do you know what this meeting is for? * : I don't know. But it's probably going to be boring. * : [loudly] And if she did know, she sure as day wouldn't tell you! [Nearly everyone stops speaking and they stare at her.] * : Oh my tree sap. * : Have you ever stood up for yourself? * : No. I don't think I have! * : Good for you, power to the people! * : Suddenly I'm embarrassed. * : Ricky, you are, like, shadier than I am. What's this all about? * : Don't know, my brother hasn't given the deets. I said det * : I know what you said. * : Come on, Saye, I've got seats next to Bdoulayé. * : You only like him for his giant freezer! * : Like I said, it's probably going to be boring anyway. * : The best speech ever! * : The use of rhetoric in his voice was all too convincing for my taste. * : Kids, I take it you enjoyed classes, eh? [A. R. I.] * : Pen, something interesting happened in school! * : Based on 'ow y' ne'er says stuff like this, it mus' 'a'e been interestin'! * : Ah, how was your day, Mum? * : I did a good thing! * : Really, what was it? [Enter Match, who is focused on her phone.] * : Turn right at, like, 80 centimetres. * : Aunt Match! [A. R. I.] * : Your phone's supposed to be speaking to you! * : I invited 'er o'er fer tea. * : Hey, kids! You haven't heard? Like, Meeple are having a contest about who can be the first, like, Kenyan voice assistant. And I'm totally, like, auditioning! * : I've been 'elpin'e with 'er articulations. * : Then why doesn't she sound like you? * : Er... [She sits on the couch.] * : Good luck with that. * : Anyway, the guy at the speech was so cool! * : He told us what to do! * : And we listened. * : [getting up] Well, wot kind o' speech is so grand as ter 'a'e th' 'ole school brainwashed? * : Ladies, gentleman... The day after tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, we shall have our first Nairobi Halloween! [The children all howl like they're observing the moon.] * : Wot? A Nairobi 'Alloween? Thet's when we decorate minimally an' tell the local kids we h'ain' 'ome! Wot's to make o'er this? * : Well, Mum, you might be the problem. * : Yes, when you go to the North American neighbourhoods, they take it seriously. * : I'm sorry, but we h'ain' from North America. [Match and Pen clear their throats, attracting Pencil's attention.] * : Oh, sorry, fergot me geography fer a moment. * : Come on, Mummy! * : Fine, alright. We can celebrate 'Alloween if y'wants to. 'Ow d'ye people o' Canada do'e? D'ye decorate an' do little costumes? * : Oh yeah. * : Times, like, a brazillion. Like that guy I'm, like, seeing right now. Oh João... * : I think Halloween at our house is a great idea! The speech guy says it all. * : Yeah, you remember what he said at the end of the speech! * : "Stay here; it's not home time." * : He said, "Go forth and shop for costumes." That means all the stores will be crowded! * : And we'll be shopping with everyone else, where people will be looking at me and I can finally make it famous in a Hollywood film, oh, please can we go? * : We can wait another day. Like, like tomorrow. Wednesday, October 30 * : Hey there, gorgeous. * : Oh, stop thet! * : Eh. * : So, this shop wasn' 'ere yesterday, innit? * : No, it's very new. * : Goo! * : No, Cil, she meant "goo" I mean, "new". * : I taste suspicion 'ere. * : Oh, Penc, lighten up. I did some research and Halloween is a thing in Britain. * : Grandpa would be proud. * : Not exactly. 'E's too busy rantin' about 'ow 'Alloween's made fer the devils. * : That's a good costume idea! [Meanwhile, with the kids.] * : Nurse, nurse, suggestive nurse, suggestive nurse, suggestive nurse. Aunt Match, why the heck are there so many of these? * : Because, y'know, like, if you find a costume, you got to make sure everyone will think it's pretty. Do you have to be a nurse, like, anyway? * : No, but all of my friends are going as nurses. We're going to be the hospital alliance. The Hospitalliance! * : Omg, like, peer pressure, girl! Just like the good old days. * : Who should I be? * : How about I be an angel and you be a devil? * : That one's taken. * : How about we go as each other? We are the only twins of the same gender. * : Yeah, I can learn to act happy and dumb. * : The shades, the tiara... It's perfect! I'll go as me times a hundred! * : Why exactly am I'' the mad scientist? * : You wouldn't want to be a football player. * : Or Beatnik. * : Now I'm just mad. [''Enter Pencil.] * : 'Ow're me costume-seekin' kids doin' so far? * : Great! * : We've all picked out our costumes! * : Except Mona. * : MONA! [Enter Ximena. She is shining very brightly.] * : Here I am! * : Oi, turn thet thing off! I think you're drainin' the power o' th' entire store. * : Sorry! [She turns the lights off.] * : This is my Christmas tree costume. If we're going to be trick-or-treating, we're going to need a lot of light. * : Mona's right. To the cashier! * : Thet was fun! * : You should have seen the look on his face when you said we were all in the same family. * : We know. * : Mum made us smile. * : Weren't we awkward? * : Come on, let's go to the decorations store next! * : You go on, we're going home with Dad. * : I'm tired! * : 'Kay, meet you back home! * : Not with the way we shop, eh? * : Ha! [The two groups walk in different directions.] Thursday, October 31 * : Good morning! * : There's my cliché parents! * : Why aren't you wearing your Halloween costumes? * : I don't know, why h'ain'ee wearin' yours? * : Because we don't wear our costumes until it's night! [Enter Yaretzi and Zorah, dressed as each other.] * : I'm Zorah! I cackle and make potions in my room! * : I'm Issie. I am always happy for some reason. * : Oh, ain' the twins so h'adorable? Besides the potions comment. * : Why so early, girls? * : Dad, you can't just insult their sense of fashion. And anyway, they didn't even get their voices, like, right. * : We're having a contest. * : The first one to take away this dumb, I mean, a-''ma''-zing costume has to give half of her candy to the other. * : Thet's very cute. * : You know, Mum, grown-ups have to have a costume too. * : Wot? 'O told you thet? The speech man? * : How did you know? * : It looks like you'd better go to the Parti Party Store and pick something out! * : Oh, alright. Pen, you're goin' with me. * : Why? * : Wan' me to pick somethin' fer'ee, acos I've got somethin' in me mind. [She raises her eyebrows up and down.] * : On second thought, I'll go! * : Shall we? * : Saye, you're in charge! * : [going] 'Ello, Match. * : [to Saye] Never mind! * : Kids! *'Kids': Aunt Match! * : You're here early! * : Like, totally. * : Did something bad happen to Uncle Eraser? * : No, he's just visiting Bafuworld for the day. * : No way! That's the biggest WC in the EAC! * : He should be back, so I can, like, give him his Halloween costume. * : Give? * : Well, Zorah, every year, like, your uncle went as the same exact thing. A paper bag. *'All': A paper bag? * : Why? * : Like, symbolism or some junk. Omg, we're going to have the best night ever together! Especially me and my, like, fellow nurse. * : Aunt Match, I've already changed my mind. We are now going as the beautiful non-dead. * : It's undead, I know some of them! * : Yaretzi wouldn't know stuff like that. * : Oh, poo. * : So, like, where are your mum and dad going? * : Halloween shopping! * : They forgot old people need to dress up. * : Omg, those old people. * : Aunt Match, you're, like, like our mum's age! * : At least I remembered to dress up. So, what do you, like, want to do? * : Video games? * : I'm down! * : As long as it's educational; we're missing school today! [The boys hurry downstairs.] * : I want to watch the Good News channel. * : No I wouldn't! Unless you're really me. * : I mean, I'll go outside and throw rocks. [Exeunt.] * : And I'll be on the phone. * : I'll be listening in. [Exeunt.] * : Well, Mona, it looks like it's just you and me. [Beat.] * : Hooray! * : Looking forward to your costume? * : No. I hate it. * : Omg, like, why? Christmas trees are so in... I think. * : But it's not me. I just chose it because I didn't want to feel left out. * : The fear of that, eh? Don't worry. I'll make you a costume that will, like, totally make your brothers and sisters jealous. * : Aw, thank you! * : No worries. So let's get started on this thing! * : Omg, Mona, thanks for bonding with me! * : What? * : Presenting... your new costume! [She shows... something.] * : Yay, thank you! * : What is it? * : She's a Viking... [dreamily] whose male versions were part of, like, the hottest pillaging team ever. * : Aunt Match, shame on you! * : There are children here! * : Goo! * : Hey, it's Cil! * : Oh yeah. What's he going to be? * : Mother heeded his request, so he's going to be a * : Ghoul! [Enter Pencil and Pen.] * : 'Ello, 'ello, 'ello, 'ow're me kids doin' today? * : There you are! These kids have been, like, avoiding me all day. * : Aunt Match! * : Oi, why do thet? * : It's okay, Mona and I were working on her, like, costume. * : I look great! * : Nice unicorn-astronaut thing, Match. * : That's what it was? I thought it was the spirit of the 1960s. * : So Mum, Dad, what are your costumes? * : I'm goin' as a witch! * : Omg, is it a suggestive witch? * : Why'n'ale's e'erythin' t'ee's suggestive? It's normal, I swear! * : Yeah, because most witch dresses are three sizes too small. * : Alright, then, like, what's on yo, bro? * : What's tall and thin... * : You? * : And wears a suit... * : You when you sing opera? * : And has white skin? * : Privilege? * : You really don't recognise this? [He pulls out a Slender Man costume, here known as Blender Man. The kids gasp.] * : You're Bl Bl Bl * : Blender Man! * : His followers don't finish his name. * : I mean, Bl Bl Bl * : It's nice, innit? I chose'e fer'e. * : Except you didn't get the face right. * : Studies have shown that Blender Man is faceless. * : Come on, why would anybody want to cover this? * : Well, we've got the costumes. Wot more shall we do h'ere it's time? * : The guy from the speech told us to stay still until 18:21. * : Why? * : That's the time the sun sets!https://www.timeanddate.com/sun/kenya/nairobi * : Sounds promising. Penc, want to help me get the candy ready? * : What candy? * : This! [He opens a counter that is full of candy.] * : You had this without us noticing? * : Thet's where Match an' I were yesterday! Not only've we got candy, but we've chocolates, fruit bars, all o' the foods you could get away with eatin' jus' fer today. * : May we eat them now? * : Wot, no! You're all goin' off fer th'Alloween! [to Pen] 'Ow's thet? * : Most people don't say "the Halloween". [to the kids] Your mum's right, the amount of candy we give should be equal to the amount of candy you get! * : What is this, maths? * : Oh, I hope! * : Now geh'n' get yer costumes fer the time's almos' 'ere! [Exeunt. A few minutes later, there is everybody in their costumes.] * : [inspecting] Nice, nice, nice, like, cool, nice, like, like... Saye, oh my, like, woodsicles, what is that? * : I told you, it's the non-dead. * : Un-dead! * : Yes, the un-dead! * : It looks nice for you. * : Aw, thanks! * : Now what do you say we get the show on the road! * : Can Mum and Dad come with us? * : We'd love to * : But we're busy 'andin' out the sweets ter all o' yer friends. * : Onward... march! [Exeunt. Pencil sees Pen biting into a chocolate bar.] * : Pen, you're not supposed ter eat the sweets! * : I can't help it! We'd better get some guests in right away. [There is a knock on the door.] * : I'll get'ee! [She looks through the door and sees their neighbour Helena outside.] * : Omg, it's 'Elena. * : Does she want anything? * : E'ery year she h'asks me to go to church with'e fer All Saints' Day. * : We've lived here for two years, why hasn't she come when I'm around? * : Acos las' year we spent 'Alloween in thet 'aunted 'ouse an' the year before you were at the pub! * : That explains it. * : Open the door whils' I hide! * : Okay. [She opens the door.] * : Helena! [pronounced improperly] Habari za mchana! * : Good evening, Mr. Schreiber, habari za familia? * : Er... * : Je, mke wako nyumbani? * : [agitated] Oh, she's here! * : Dude! [The door opens, revealing Pencil dressed as a witch. Helena screams.] * : Oh dear, hii sio jinsi inavyoonekana! * : Mimi niende sasa, siwezi kuwa mbele ya mchawi! * : Wait, please! * : Nitawaombea. [Exit Helena.] * : Now you see why me dad ne'er celebrated 'Alloween, eh? * : I've suddenly lost my appetite for sweets. [She elbows him playfully.] * : Saye, what time is it? * : My phone says... my friends are getting closer. * : That didn't have anything to do with [Yaretzi screams.] * : Nice Halloween spirit, whoever you are! * : Oh no, my horoscope! * : [scoffs] Uh, Zorah wouldn't scream about her horoscope. * : I mean... hoo, ho, bro, this horoscope of mine. * : [reading off] "Today is the day of the Flicker-o'-Sky." * : Which means, it should be nighttime in [Immediately, the sky switches from day to night.] * : Zero seconds, yay! * : Can you stop being positive? * : You want to be included in this bet, O demon? * : No. * : Then shut up I mean, please do be quiet for my selfish needs, hooray! * : Easy there, Martha and Megan. * : It's dark outside; I'm getting the heebie-jeebies! * : That's racist! * : It's, like, a bit dark. [One by one, the houses on the neighbourhood light up with decorations.] * : Wow. This is lovely! * : I've never seen Nairobi like this since last Christmas. * : I could stay here forever! [Phone alert sound.] * : Omg, they're here. Gotta go! * : [going with her] So do I! * : What? * : Stay safe! [to the others] Alright, it looks like it's just the one, two, three, four... seven of us. Remember that, like, number, eh? * : This will be fun. * : When I say "se-", you say "-ven!" Se! [Silence.] * : Se! [Silence.] * : Omg, like, no fun! Category:Episodes Category:New episode